Thursday, September 12, 2024

Life-Sizing

 
“There are far, far better things ahead than any we leave behind.” - C.S. Lewis

Summer Research Project: Transitioning to Assisted Living

Nonfiction: Self-Management, Psychology, Life-Sizing (various authors)

I read eight books during the past two months about preparing to move a loved one into assisted living.  (Complete list at the end.)  

The 3 books I found most insightful and helpful:

Most people refer to transitioning from their current home to an assisted living apartment as “downsizing” when it really is LIFE-SIZING!

Here are some of my research “highlights”!

Persuading an aging loved one to life-size can be a monumental challenge. Seniors generally don’t appreciate you telling them what needs to be done. Chances are your loved one and you, too, are emotionally attached to possessions which creates the most difficult mental and emotional obstacle for moving forward. What to do?

First, identify the possessions your loved one needs and uses daily – they are the essentials. You will probably note that the rest of the “stuff” surrounding your loved one is nonessential but sentimental. This is where it becomes difficult because all that “stuff’ will NOT fit into his/her assisted living apartment. Your loved one may resist or even refuse to participate in life-sizing.

This is why it is important to focus on your loved one’s needs now and in the future. Create a Harm Reduction Plan that addresses your loved one’s financial, safety, health, and support needs. This will be specific to your loved one’s financial and health situation.

The plan should explain how assisted living fits this stage of your loved one’s life and provides for his/her unique safety, health, and support needs. Refer to your loved one’s Harm Reduction Plan frequently as a reminder of the reason why this transition is necessary.

Patience and empathy will be needed as your loved one will need help understanding that being surrounded by possessions isn’t going to help them up when they fall, bring them their medications on schedule, do housekeeping or laundry, prepare meals or ensure they have opportunities for social activities.

Keeping the positive aspects of your loved one’s new future – safer environment, medical help on site, social opportunities - in mind can make a big difference. However, you will still need to address some vital concerns before the transition. Talk with your loved one about the Four Most Important Questions.

Your loved one is moving to a smaller space and will need help selecting items that will fit into their new space. The goal is to keep possessions that reflect who they are now, not who they were then. Ultimately life-sizing will make their life more manageable and enjoyable.

 Finally ..

There are many books and websites to help you plan how to deal with life-sizing. Read several to help you create a unique plan for your loved one

  • Explore why and how you will help your loved one. Set limits, if necessary - you can’t control your loved one’s emotions or erase consequences for his/her life choices.
  • Do some soul searching and think carefully about how you plan to maintain compassion, boundaries, and self-awareness throughout this transition process.
  • Start early! By giving yourself plenty of time, you and your loved one can approach life-sizing with a sense of calm and purpose, rather than feeling stressed or pressured. 
  • Also, ask other family members to be on the life-sizing “team.” Assign roles and responsibilities. Together you can help your loved one life-size and make the transition to assisted living.

Remember you are working to ensure your loved one is safe, healthy, and supported which may not be evident to your loved one especially since you are “making” them part with possessions.  “Be prepared to make tough decisions that your loved one may never come to terms with.”

Life-Sizing Reading List

  • Stages of Senior Care: Your Guide to Making the Best Decisions by Lori Hogan and P. J. Hogan
  • Estate Downsizing for Caregivers: Transitioning from a Home to an Apartment or Care Facility by Susan Bewsey
  • Downsizing: The 5-Step Method for Life Transitions Big and Small by Mia Danielle
  • Keep the Memories, Lose the Stuff: Declutter, Downsize, and Move Forward with Your Life by Tom Paxton
  • Digging Out: Helping Your Loved One Manage Clutter, Hoarding & Compulsive Acquiring by Michael A. Tompkins and Tamara L. Hartl
  • Downsizing the Family Home: What to Save What to Let Go (AARP) by Marni Jameson
  • Clutter Busting: Letting Go of What’s Holding You Back by Brooks Palmer
  • Downsizing for Dummies by Ralph R. Roberts

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June Booknotes

  "These works challenge us not just to understand but to engage, to debate, and to form our own reasoned conclusions. By reading hard ...